the uncertainty of 2020.

If you had told me that this is what my 2020 would look like, I would have laughed and said “what movie is that from?”.

I think all of us are still trying to catch our breath and figure out just how to settle into this year. Starting a new year is terrifying in itself, much less adding this mess on top of it all. The mess I’m referring to it, you guessed it, COVID-19.

My sister, Liz, was diagnosed with COVID-19 right before everything got so… real. She still has no idea where she got it or when. I think that’s the scariest part about this virus for me; there’s no way of telling if, when, or how you’ll get it. You don’t know if you’ll have mild symptoms or end up in the hospital on a ventilator. There’s only so much you can do to keep the loved ones in your life safe, and it’s unbelievably hard to let go and trust that everyone is taking the same precautions that I am. My sister has since recovered (thank God), but that doesn’t take away all the worry I have over the rest of my family and friends potentially getting it.

I’ve been coping with my anxiety during this time but simply saying this phrase to myself; “there’s nothing I can do about it.”

I can take all the precautions that I’m currently taking, but in reality this state of the world is so out of my control that it is oddly reassuring to me. I’ve always been a big believer in “what’s meant to be will be,” so I feel like this time of my life is really putting that theory to test. I’m putting a lot of faith in God and taking the time to talk out my anxieties with those closest to me. I’m keeping myself busy by doing a lot of things that I could never seem to make time for. Some of these include:

Teaching myself new makeup looks
Brush Calligraphy (I ordered a book off of Amazon here, and I’m working on learning a new skill.)
Organizing my junk closet
Trying new recipes
Watching new TV series
Going golfing with Witt
Spring cleaning (that is actually very satisfying; cleaning my windows, doors etc.)
Wedding Planning
Getting more into photography
Learning more about my Ennegram type and the enneagram types in my life
Online shopping (oops.)

I’ve found that all of these things make the time go by so fast, which as I’m sure we are all feeling… these days can get long.

Witt has been working from home as well, and it’s been an adjustment for sure. He stays in the office all day (or if he’s on a phone call, paces) and I sit with my laptop wherever I’m feeling that day.

I think it’s important to address that you do NOT need to be productive every single day you’re home! One of my biggest pet peeves is when people feel the need to blast all over social media how productive they are every. single. day. I’m productive some days, but I’m also productive in sitting in my pajamas all day just taking care of myself. It’s ok to work, it’s also very ok not to work. This time is a gift; not only to your mind, but to your family/whoever you’re quarantined with. Back before all of this happened, I just wanted Witt around more, and how lucky am I to have so much more quality time with him. This time in our lives will (hopefully) never happen again, and I have to admit that the extra time with Witt is special.

I’m constantly looking for ways to help those out of work at this time. I try to eat at local restaurants as much as possible, and I would also love for you to comment below any ways that I could help more.

I still don’t really know what to make of this time. There is so much negativity in the world, but I’m trying my best to see the positives. The days I have trouble seeing positives, I do some soul-searching and take a step backwards. This time is temporary. Everything will be okay.

xo