Well, I thought I was immune to wedding anxiety. I know, I’m laughing at myself right now. Now that we’re officially 100 days away from the big day, it seems like all of the big and little details are staring me in the face twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I have a wedding dream (or nightmare) every single night. I find that when I’m in this state of mind, writing my thoughts and feelings out helps me process everything. I know several of you who follow me are also planning a wedding, so I thought I’d share what I’m feeling and how I’m dealing with it.
I think the hardest thing for me to grasp has been that my wedding won’t be exactly how I’ve imagined it would be my whole life. It’s very apparent to me now that COVID will still be a very big issue by May. I’m sure a lot of people will be required to wear masks or will just feel more comfortable wearing them, even if they aren’t required. I know a lot of the people I’ve invited won’t be able to attend as there are a lot of people traveling. Now, I’m trying to figure out a way to make sure people know that I will not be upset at all if they cannot make it. I feel guilty for even asking people to come and putting them in this position. Unfortunately, I know this is just the way it is.
As far as invitations go, we’re sending ours out within the next two weeks and plan to have a hard RSVP date. At this point, the planning has gotten even more stressful because there is literally no way for me to look at the guest list and predict who will or will not come. I’m hopeful that if all of my guests RSVP by the end of March, it’ll take some of that stress off the planning. (again, I’m sure I’ll be laughing at myself.)
The things that are starting to really stress me out, as in I have nightmares about it, are the actual logistics of the day. I had a nightmare last week where the flowers all showed up in fuchsia pink. Everyone was reassuring me that they looked good but they didn’t match the decor at all. I woke up… stressed. (LOL). Last night I had a nightmare that the officiant (my poor uncle) lost my vows and I had to improv them. Needless to say, I’ll be making seven copies of my vows for the day-of now.
I know a lot of brides struggle or struggled with wanting everything to be perfect on the big day, and I know that the day won’t go perfectly smooth. I know that yet, I’m still stressed about it? I think that’s a worry society puts on brides. “You only get one day and it should be perfect.” I’m working on changing my mindset to say, “I have this one day and it will be perfect no matter what happens.” I’m a very future-oriented thinker, so I think that’s why this is such a big issue for me. Witt is very “in the moment” and present, so I’m hoping that the day-of he’ll bring me back down to earth.
This morning, I caught myself stressed about a cocktail napkin design. Then I zoomed out and realized “most people will be drunk and not looking at the napkins anyway.” I’ve found that taking a step back and looking at the big picture really helps with my stress and the overall reality of wedding planning. I’m practicing that every single time I find myself dwelling on a seemingly insignificant detail. Odds are, only I will know if something that small goes wrong, and I’ll keep it that way!
TW: eating disorders. I don’t normally talk about body image, but I’ve also definitely felt the pressure to look perfect on my wedding day getting heavier and heavier on my shoulders. This has to be my least favorite one. I’ve never struggled with any sort of eating disorder, and for the most part I can keep my body image thoughts 90% positive. However, this time right before the wedding I am feeling that societal pressure. I’m also like, where in the world are these thoughts coming from?! (oh yeah, society.) Let me tell you this, you do not want to look back at your wedding pictures and think “wow, I was so skinny and I was so unhealthy to get there.” You want to look like your healthiest self on your wedding day, and only you know what that looks like. I’m a big believer in working out for mental health and it’s helped get me through so many of the unhealthy thoughts that have been popping up in my head. I try to find 30 minutes a day to do either a cycle class or an at-home workout, and it really brings me to a place of peace. You’re beautiful just the way you are right now, and your fiancé would marry you in five minutes regardless of your waist size. Don’t cloud up your day filled with love with societal body image negative thoughts.
My advice to you a little more than three months away from our wedding day is this: when you find yourself getting stressed or losing the joy of wedding planning, take a break. It could be an hour, fifteen minutes or even a day. Leave yourself time to give yourself these breaks, even if that means only working on wedding stuff an hour a day for 6 months. Find what works for you and stick to it. Another thing that’s really helped me is spending quality time with my fiancé. It reminds me what this whole wedding is about. Lastly, remember that this should be fun. God willing, you only get to plan one wedding in your life and then it’s over. Take in every little thing you do and savor it. I know I’ll be so nostalgic about even the stress of wedding planning when the big day is over. This time is so special in your life and acknowledge that. I try to take five minutes in my day to really soak in the feelings I’m experiencing these days; excitement, nervousness, love, nostalgia, longing, etc. I try to do this intentionally because I’ve found it makes the experience more special. It’s sort of like meditation, but only focusing on the feelings around the wedding and the wedding itself.
I know the next three months are going to fly by, and as much as I’m excited for the wedding, I’m sad it’s all coming to an end. This chapter of my life has looked nothing like I thought it would and that’s ok. When I really think about it, nothing in my life has looked exactly like I thought it would and I’m so thankful for that. Can you imagine if it did? We’d all be bored to tears.
Sending you all of the love,
xo Megan